Nowadays, a wedding is very often a celebration for two: the bride and groom simply go to the registry office, sign their names, and celebrate in a narrow family circle. But for our grandparents, a wedding was a whole theatrical performance (especially in rural areas), in which everyone had their own role and responsibilities. And it was preceded by a few more stages.
Premarital communication
In the pre-Internet era, acquaintances took place on the streets, at parties, at gatherings, and at various festivities. Most often, the guy and the girl were from the same village (often they even knew each other from childhood) or even from the same “corner.” At these “parties,” young people would chat, sing songs, and do household chores: girls would spin and embroider, boys would mend nets and harnesses.
This communication took place under the "control" of the elders (the evening mother or parents or older relatives) and was completely innocent (a girl could be alone with a guy until the sun went down). Of course, there were cases when a girl went to the wedding without being chaste or with a "dowry in her hem", but this was condemned and subjected to shame (a girl who was incontinent was beaten with ropes from bells soaked in salt water).
Boys could also be physically punished for adultery.
Conspiracies
If the girl and the boy liked each other, they could agree on a date when the boy would send the matchmakers. Sometimes the parents would agree among themselves (in this case, if the girl did not like the “fiancé” - she could bring a pumpkin or a macogon).
Matchmaking
It was a special event with its own traditions. You couldn't get married on Wednesdays and Fridays (fast days) and in May - you would be "in trouble" all your life. Most often, they got married on Myasnytsia and from Easter to Trinity. The guy, together with the elders, went to the girl's house (if there was no prior agreement and confidence in the result, they went when the sun had already set - so as not to shine with a pumpkin if they refused).
The matchmakers in the house should not sit down (If the matchmaker sits down, then the children of the newlyweds will be late to get up on their feet), drink or eat (If they agree to drink, then the children will grow up to be drunkards. If they are persuaded to eat, then the children will suffer from gluttony) until they reach an agreement.
As he was liked by his parents, he received their blessings and towels from the girl, and his future mother-in-law tied a scarf for her. If he didn't come to the yard - pumpkins, macogon and ridicule (and he couldn't get married a second time).
After the matchmaking, the parents agreed on the bride's appearance and determined the day of her visit to the groom's house (after all, the girl often became a daughter-in-law and the parents had to be sure that they were giving the child to a good family).
After all the agreements and negotiations, the celebration began with songs and festivities. A few centuries ago, the matchmaking of a girl to a young man was not at all unusual. The girl would enter the chosen one's house with the words: "Accept me, mother, I am your daughter-in-law." She would offer the boy her hand in marriage without seeking his consent, and she was almost never refused, because this could bring misfortune.
There was also a tradition well known from books, when a criminal sentenced to death could be pardoned if one of the girls expressed a desire to marry him.
Reviews
After the matchmaking (usually on Sunday), the groom and his parents came to evaluate the bride: whether she was not lazy, whether she had prepared a good chest, whether she had learned to spin, sew, and embroider, whether she was a skilled hostess. After the inspection, everyone was invited to the table. The newlyweds were given one spoon for two and one glass, as a sign that they should learn to do everything together.
The following Sunday, the girl's family came to inspect the groom's farm. The parents tried to show their son from the best side: a hardworking, good farmer who would take care of the farm and be able to support the family (sometimes, to make an impression, they would borrow some of the livestock or implements from neighbors). The parents also decided how much land and livestock they could give to the future family. When everything was agreed upon, they sat down to celebrate.
Engagement
After inspecting the groom's household, the engagement ceremony was held - a ceremonial confirmation of consent to marriage. For the engagement ceremony, the groom came to the bride's house with his parents and relatives. Everyone sat down at the table, the young people were led to the post. The senior elder covered the bread with a towel, placed the girl's hand on it, and the boy's hand on top, and tied them with a towel.
After this ritual, the bride tied the elders with towels, and presented everyone present with scarves, linen or shirts. Then the solemn blessing of the young people by their parents began. The parents sat on a bench covered with a sheepskin, and the elder led the young people to them by the scarf: he held one end himself, and the young people held the other two. The parents blessed the bride and groom three times with bread and salt, and the young people stood on the towel and bowed to them three times, accepting the blessing.
After the ceremony, relatives exchanged gifts and presented gifts to the bride and groom. As a sign that the girl and the boy were engaged, they exchanged rings and received certain attributes: the groom - a periwinkle flower, the bride - a red ribbon or flower. After all the ceremonies, they were considered engaged and from then on had no right to refuse the marriage. After the engagement, the girl decorated her head with a wreath of flowers and ribbons and walked like this until the wedding itself.
Bachelorette party
It was held on the eve of the wedding as a symbol of farewell to girlhood. Such youth evenings were held separately in the homes of the bride and groom. This rite served to separate the brides from the unmarried youth. The girls at this party wove a twig: they decorated it with ribbons, flowers and bouquets of spikelets made during the periwinkle holidays, a cherry tree or a pine branch (the finished twig was stuck into bread and decorated with candles, viburnum, gilded nuts, apples, and rue). The twig symbolized virginity, beauty and youth.
Along with the curling of the twig, a small flower or wreath was made for the bride and groom as a symbol of the bride and groom. The periwinkle leaves for the wedding wreath were folded in threes: one tallest, in the middle, and two smaller ones on the sides. Such "bouquets" were tied with thread, tightly laid one on top of the other, and tied again. When the weaving reached the desired length, its ends were sewn together (a hoop was to be obtained). This crown for the bride was decorated with viburnum, flowers, and ribbons.
Putting on the wreath was accompanied by rituals. A white cloth was spread on the floor, on which a bread bowl was placed, and a pillow was placed on top. The bride sat on it, after which her brother unbraided her braid, and the girls decorated their heads with a wedding wreath. In more ancient times, all these actions were performed by the mother. The eldest friend attached the wreath to the groom's cap or hat, placed it next to the bride on a fur coat and covered them with a towel or sprinkled them with rye. After that, the newlyweds were called prince and princess, they gathered their retinue (wedding train) and went to invite relatives and neighbors to the wedding.
Invitation
Traditionally, young people accompanied by boyars and friends would go to ask for a wedding. The bride, dressed in ceremonial attire and adorned with flowers, would go around the houses saying: “Your parents asked you, and I ask you to come to our wedding” and give out cones (a traditional pastry). In each house, she would bow to everyone present (even small children). The owners would give gifts, which the friends would collect, and small money for “horseshoes for boots.” If there was a girl in the house, she would be asked to join the procession. After inviting guests to the wedding, the bride and her friends would return to her home and begin to prepare. Her family would also prepare for the arrival of the groom and the boyars: they would make barricades so that the matchmakers could not enter the house, they would prepare to ransom the bride, etc.
I'm begging for a cow.
This was a symbolic pre-wedding ceremony. The loaf was baked on Friday or Saturday at the bride's house or at both of the bride's (depending on the region). Only married and happily married women were invited to bake the loaf (it was a good sign if one of the loaf makers was pregnant). The number of loaf makers had to be an even number so that the bride and groom would be together for life.
Each of the women brought with her some of the ingredients for the loaf: flour, eggs, butter, etc. During the preparation, the young women sang ritual songs. The top of the loaf was decorated with dough figures: the sun, the moon, doves, and a hoop with periwinkle and viburnum, as well as a red-painted pine cone.
In addition to the loaf, other delicacies were baked for the wedding: cones, diveny, lezhen, polyubovnyki, geese, kalachyks, etc. After the loaf was put in the oven, dancing began with a bowl of dough and a shovel, which was used to put the bread into the oven.
Wedding
The wedding itself can be divided into several parts: dressing the newlyweds, buying the bride, the wedding, entertainment, covering the bride, and festive rituals (compartment, washing, kolachiny, minas).
This is how, for example, the ceremony of dressing the bride took place in the Chernihiv region:
Bride's ransom
The young man chose the young men who would go with him to buy the bride. The boyar would remove their caps, to which a red ribbon or a bunch of periwinkle was sewn. This company of young men was called boyars, and the youngest was called a prince. The same distinctions were also worn by the svetylyok, the girls who were part of the groom's retinue.
After the distribution of roles, the groom and his retinue went to buy the bride. The boyars and friends took part in the auction. The witness tried to bargain with the help of a lamp to get the groom a place next to the bride, and gave gifts to the girls standing at the gate. The girls agreed only on the condition that he would make a path to the bride from money on the table.
Separately, the bride's brother or nephew would sell her braid. Often, during the auction, the groom's friends would try to crawl under the table and take off the bride's boot - then she would have to be given back without ransom. After the bride was ransomed, the groom would be seated next to her. He would kiss his chosen one and give her flowers, and his parents would always ask him: "Your bride, haven't you changed her?"
Wedding
Before going to church, the young people asked their parents for a blessing. This ceremony was performed with bread and salt. In the Hutsul region, the wedding ceremony was called a pardon: the bride and groom walked around the table three times and asked their parents to forgive them for everything they had done to them. Going to church, the bride often put an iron key or a piece of bread in her bosom. Leaving the church, the young people ate bread so that they would not live in poverty.
Wedding party
After the wedding, the parents would meet the newlyweds on the doorstep and bless them with a loaf of bread in their hands for a happy life (in some regions, they would wait behind a locked door and the groom would have to reach them). The bride's mother would go out to meet them in an inside-out sheepskin coat (so that they would live in abundance), and after the blessing, she would spread the sheepskin coat on a bench with the wool facing up and pour rye and money under it (the newlyweds were to sit on this sheepskin coat).
The bride and groom were led to the table by the friend, holding their handkerchief (it was believed that the bride was at a certain "border" - no longer a girl and not yet a woman, and was extremely vulnerable, so it was forbidden to touch her with hands). In some regions, after the bride and groom crossed the threshold, the senior friend would hit the doorframes with a belt and not let the guests in until he had knocked on each side of the door.
In others, the groom's friends held the groom so that he did not cross the threshold, and the bride had to run around the table three times. It was believed that if she managed to do this, she would be the head of the family. According to another tradition, the groom had to carry his wife over the threshold (in this way he tried to deceive the demons so that they would not kidnap the bride).
The groom buys a place at the table from the bride's brothers or sisters (for scarves or jewelry) and gives gifts to her relatives (mother-in-law, for example, boots - in some regions, the son-in-law must wash "mother's" feet with wine and water and put on the boots, sometimes straw was placed in the middle so that the mother-in-law would not feel too well). After that, the feast began, which was interspersed with entertainment: dancing, games, and fun. The young people hardly took part in the fun (they were the main guests of honor, whom everyone tried to please).
Before the end of the party, the young people shared a loaf of bread and gave it to the guests (small children were given bird cookies, and lanterns and friends were given divens).
Covering the bride
This rite was the final stage of the celebration. The bride was seated on a platform, her wedding wreath was removed, her brother unbraided her braid and greased her hair with oil or honey (there was also a rite of cutting/trimming the braid: in Podillia, the groom cut the braid with scissors, in Transcarpathia - he cut the braid with an ax during the dance) and covered her with an ochypka, a scarf. Traditionally, she had to tear it off twice and only on the third time did she obey and allow herself to be tied up (she never again had the right to appear in public with her head uncovered - it was a great shame and was condemned). The covering rite was the last one that took place in the bride's house. After it, the husband took his wife to his house along with the dowry.
Merry rituals
Pantry
The bride was dressed in a new shirt, the matchmakers made a bed for them, the friends (boyars) or the senior boyar stood guard near the barn or barn where the bride and groom slept. In the morning, the matchmakers inspected the bride and groom's shirt or bed. If the girl turned out to be honest, then the fun knew no bounds: those present jumped on the tables, benches, shouted, sang. The girl's mother sent gifts and news of a happy ending to the wedding night, and thanked them for their daughter.
If the girl turned out to be dishonest, the fun stopped and songs began that shamed the bride's family. Sometimes the girl's parents would put straw collars on her, and the wedding would end. In some regions, the young men would hang a white flag on the tallest tree, announcing the girl's disgrace. Then her brother had to climb the tree to take it down, but he was prevented in every way and mocked.
Mitvins and beating porridge
On the second day of the wedding, the fun continued. In the morning, the bride would go to the well to get water, which the bride and guests would use to wash themselves. After that, she would make porridge and sell it to the guests, and sprinkle it on the yard and livestock. On the second day, only adults usually partied. The main symbols were red: belts, ribbons, the bride's red scarf or spare hat, even vodka was dyed with red juice. Everything was supposed to symbolize the happy birth of a family. On Tuesday, festivities called "gypsy" took place (they changed clothes, stole chickens, and took their parents to bathe in a cart).
Cakes
They took place a month after the wedding at the bride's parents' house. The newlyweds, along with the groom's parents and closest relatives, would come to their house for a feast. Traditionally, the newlyweds would give their parents 12 kalachi, and as a gift they would receive a piece of cloth.
Among the inhabitants of the Carpathians, the rite of exchange was widespread, during which the father-in-law gave the son-in-law what he had promised when concluding the marriage contract.
Also, in the first months of marriage, other rituals were held, designed to diversify the communication of the newlyweds with their relatives and in-laws: matchmaking - a women's party at the bride's house, to which matchmakers were invited; feasting - a visit by the bride to her parents; drinking - a treat for the newlyweds to the wedding parents and guests to drink from their household.
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